when will my reflection show who i am inside.

whats there inside me.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

god is wonderful.
i asked him sth and he answered me immediately.
he showed me what ive been thinking abt for so long.

i stand in awe of your wonder,your grace upon me

grant me the wisdom to be a woman of substance and character, ready to lead and serve.

i really love cedar.
and i miss it.
i miss hearing the sounds of people playing the piano from the mezzanine when im in the foyer.
imiss the twice weekly jogging sesions! although we used to complain and wereelated when we had mc to cover us so tt we woouldnt have to jog.
i miss changing in class even when rhe windows were open.
i miss standing guard outside when i was done changing so that the teacher esp if it was a male teacherso that he/she would not enter before we finished changing.
i miss wearing the blue and grey tie everyday
i miss going to nat, nse , zwq and my second home.
i miss the old track
imiss the canteen
i miss cutting the queue so that we wouldnt be late for class
i miss seeing the cute teddy bears everyday
i miss taking bus 8 and 155 to toa payoh.
imiss caijing's craziness and mich's crazy jokes!
i miss leona's helpfulness
i miss the tap burettes
i miss not having to pay for anything that i happen to break
imiss the wonderful school spirit.
i miss having sports day and competing in those same events.
10x50, 4x400,800,1500
i miss my uniform
i miss eating in class
i miss my wonderful form teacher and chem teacher,ms chng
i miss the theatrette
i miss the wonderful racial hrmony day we used to have where you would feel funny if you didnt wear racial costumes cause everyone wore them
i miss singing in class with cj after school
i miss rushing hw after schto hand in to the drawers

sara will try her best to be a woman of substance and character, ready to lead an serve
ad not let cedar down.
eunice too
we will do cedar proud and prove to others tt cedarians have what it takes to excel both academically as well as in our ccas!
we will be in the top 100 for promos
make that top 10
well,we'll try our best but dont ever call us stupid or make us feel inferior in anyway.
cause we're not
cedarians are pretty and smart!
we'll prove it to you
just you dont regret it then
cause eunice and i are abt to be taken
our prince charmings are waiting for us
to be the queen of their hearts

god is love

sara

behind the mask 2:26 AM

Monday, July 24, 2006

had bio prac tdy.actually it was mock spa.
ganesh did sth funny after spa.since there was the cork borer there to cut cylinders of potatoes out, he did just tt.
and he stuck 2 cylinders into the holes.look above for the pic
its gabe's first then ana's and lastly ganesh's

im feeling kinda random now.

the homily at church ytd was excellent.
it really opened my eyes to what was around me
father greg told us that as long as we believe, anything is possible.
its rather true.
most of the time when we fail, its because we tell ourselves we cant do it.
its all psychological.

today's youths are disaffected, disillusioned.
they are totally apthetic.

well i learnt sth new in bio tdy.
mrs lim was telling us abt the motor end plate thingyand i found it really interesting.
and when eric asked me abt the tutorial question, i could actually answer him!

i draw my strength from the lord.
it is he who will deliver me out of my darkness and show me the light.
lord i live for you.
and for some others too
well of course i live for myself too.

xoxo sara xoxo

behind the mask 3:32 AM

Friday, July 14, 2006

seriously i think im in danger of retaining.
ct results are supersuper horrible.when i look at the paper, a dozen things run through my mind.how did i ever lose so many marks. why was i so careless.or did i even know how to do this question in the first place.maybe it was the lack of preparation seeing as how i spent 2 weeks in england enjoying myself and obviously with the mindset that i would still do fine for ct.well,obviously i was proven wrong.sometimes i wonder,people's expectations of us does really affect us.the days in cedar were stressful and more often than not, i found mysef buried under a pile of homework and didnt even go out on weekends.cca didnt really matter to me as i didnt enjoy my cca at all.nada.nt even one miniscule bit.the only time when i felt it was good was during syf when we got gold and i got the colours award.now in sr, its really hectic.back to the point abt ct.it was such a total disappointment.the subjects which i thought i would score, i failed to.the subjects which i knew i wouldnt do so well, i failed.im beginning to wonder if jc is really the path that i should take.i mean,i know i have to go to uni and all in order to be a doctor and that jc's the only way but seriously.

sometimes, i dont know what's going on.

girls from cedar are supposed to be smart.yeah.thats true.but not always true.i wonder, if i had that level of intelligence when i entered the school, what happened to me? i dot even know the meaning of studying hard anymore.how much more do i hav to do in order to get the grades that i want.everyone's telling me to be strong and that i can do it.but ive heard enough of it.yes, i know it isnt easy to do 2 sciencce subjects esp since i didnt take bio but still.ive tried many times to encourage myself and believe that i can do it.but in the end, my efforts fall short.i remember one of my classmates was really upset about her results.i constantly encouraged her outside the bowling alley and counselled her.

if i can encourrage others why cnt i encourage myself.

i admit i dont even believe in some of the things i said to her.for eg, i told her its ok to fail cause we can learn from our mistakes.but why is it that when i failed that day, i could not stop the tears from trickling down my face and washing away my strong visage.i think its because i have failed so many times the past year.the disappointment that i face is something no one will ever understand.mymomthinks that my xpectations of myself are too high.
is it really too high?where have i heard that in oredr to get what you wan you have to aim high so that even if you fall short at least you would reach the clouds,if not the sky.

actions speak louder than words.

may seem strong on the outside like a normal 21st century child who is able to deal with anything that comes her way.deep inside, im just a child.omeone who needs to be comforted when she's down.someone to love her for who she really is.some one who cares for her.and makes an effort to cheer her up when she's down.jonathan once said that i was a strong girl.

am i really?

so while i may seem im fine with my results and that i have gotten over it.its not the case.and never will be.the memory will linger for a long time.imkinda like iago.i dont wear my heart on my sleeve.i dnt display my emotions readily to those that im not close with.

natnat hastried and she has been trying to encouage me since last year.i dont know what i'll do without her.
timmy has tried.ad yeah,thanks darling.but you still owe me supper and my money from the bank that you robbed.
gabe was really nice that day.i didnt expect you to do that but yes i was touched by your actions.
jonathan too.by trying to encourage me to persevere!all i can say is i'll try.
denise, she hasnt said much but her little actions and presents have said it all.
mingliang and ganesh for being so nice and understanding.my 2 husbands.happy?
shijie my bestest guy friend with the exception of freddie. yeah ill try to meet you on tues before listening ok.i know i owe you loads of dates.rj smart kid.sorry for saying no.you know what i mean.
last but not least, freddie, thanks for your constant words of encouagement.the quotes were really sweet.and the fact that i bothered you while you were studying to moan abt results.you didnt chase me away.you didnt say much but i understand.telling me to relax and that its only common test.i know you tried to help but its sometthing ive got to overcome by myself.

yeah,'ll try to be strong. at least there's people around who care.and pick me up when i fall.

in church during mass we sang a really nice hymm.the wordsreally struck me.be strong and take courage, do not fear or be afraid.
lord i'll trust in you.

behind the mask 9:48 PM